OUR NAZI RECEPTIONIST

We have a Nazi receptionist in our building.

She doesn't smile to guests at all (pretty much a pre-requisite to becoming a receptionist, I believe...) , she barks orders to you through the phone, her face contorts to what is best described as a badly disguised snarl when she sees you go to the nice Executive restroom in the 1st level... and the final indisputable proof that she is the ultimate Nazi receptionist...

She kinda looks like Frau from Austin Powers...You may laugh... but I swear she does look like her. Just... remove the smile.

Walking past the reception area is like treading through a minefield... not knowing when you'd take a wrong step and have something blow up in your face. That said, we still do things that would induce that badly disguised snarl... and try our darnest to get away with it.

Like smiling in her face as you go to the nice Executive washroom... or taking water from the bottled water dispenser in the reception area (she has the nicest looking water dispenser... well, the least grungy-looking one in the building, that's for sure)... and we're always concocting new ideas to terrorise her.

Most recent one was to have whoever who lost a bet to go to the garden cum mini bird sanctuary beside the reception area where the psycho parrot (it slams itself onto the glass windows ever so often) calls home... nest... his very own pimped up aviary of sorts... and shout out, "Hey birdie... birdie... birdie....!".

Too bad no one lost the bet. It would have been nice to see her reaction.

Here's 10 other ways to piss off your Nazi receptionist.

10. Call in an open audition for Clowns to do a photoshoot in our magazine

9. Hide a baby monitor under her desk that is connected to the men's Executive toilet

8. Hire someone to pose as a telemarketer and get them to call in incessantly

7. Release a cat into psycho parrot's pimped up aviary

6. Spike the bottled water at her water dispenser with... cheap Thai liquor

5. Send someone to do a singing telegram for her. In Hokkien (a local Chinese dialect)

4. Leave sunflower seeds in her stationary holder... and leave the aviary door open.

3. Soak the above sunflower seeds... in cheap Thai liquor

2. Hide her stapler? I dunno... I'm running out of ideas here...

1. Get Britney to do a repeat of her recent VMA performance at the reception area.

I'm sure that'll put a snarl in her face...

SCRABULOUS ANONYMOUS

Hi. My name is Bigfooz... and I'm a Scrabbleholic.

I got hooked on Scrabble approximately... a month ago, thereabouts. It started when I joined Facebook and downloaded its Scrabble application, Scrabulous. Initially I played because it's fun... the high of getting your first 50 point word, the relief you get when you finally draw the letter "U" after holding on to the letter "Q" for what seems like an eternity... and don't get me started on the buzz you get when you hit that elusive triple word score.

Like all addictions, you never really realize you're addicted... until you've gone way deep into the rabbit hole. And when you stay logged on to Scrabulous every moment you're online, constantly hitting the 'Refresh' button because you hope the person you're playing with have made their move and you choose to spend your weekend hitting the 'Refresh' button than go out on a date... you've know you're deep in the hole. Deep.

I wasn't always like this, you know. I used go out on weekends... hang out at the beach with friends. Granted, I'd bring my mini Scrabble travel edition to the beach. But at least I was out. Now, I'm no longer the same man I once was. My friends won't play with me because they claim I kick their asses all the time (which is... well, true) and I now get my kicks playing Scrabulous with people I don't know and accepting their invitations to play without knowing their background prior to playing... just living life dangerously.

I know this has to stop... and in time I probably will find the strength and courage to bring myself out of this habit. But I can't go cold turkey. I just can't bear the thought of going through that. I will need to be weaned off this addiction, maybe have a sort of "Scrabble patch" before I can totally stop.

Anyone up for Boggle?

RUGBY'S BACK ON THE MENU

I'm looking forward to the 7th of September... because on that day, rugby is back on the menu on the Sports Channel. The Rugby World Cup 2007 is back after four long years. The Rugby World Cup is not as illustrious as its footballing counterpart but certainly not less exciting. In fact, I personally feel that the game is more passionate and a lot purer in spirit... no conflict of nations versus clubs, no overpriced stars throwing hissy fits and definitely much lesser drama.

Just pure adrenalin and spirit.

I have always liked rugby. You have a great sense of power when you run with the ball in hand to the try zone (goal) while dragging some poor kid who is hanging on to your thigh, desperately trying to bring you down. Being hammered down and getting the wind knocked out of you by someone who is an equivalent of a rampaging rhino... not as fun.

But I truly fell in love with the game when I first saw Jonah Lomu from the New Zealand's All Blacks team score an impossible try... flicking huge men to the side and blasting through walls of pure muscle as he makes his powerful run and score that try. That man is indomitable. That man... is legend.

It's a pity that Jonah Lomu's career ended prematurely due to his health. But there is a new legion of All Blacks warriors (my favourites to win, as always). I will be looking closely at the performance of Joe Rokocoko, the bright young star who illuminated the last rugby world cup and brought back the spark Jonah had. Let's just hope the All Blacks don't choke (like they normally do during big games such as the World Cup), embody the indomitable strength and spirit of Jonah Lomu and lift the World Cup this year.

Joe Rokocoko. Can you smell what the Rokocoko is cooking...

(the dude even looks like The Rock too. Weird coincidence?)