TOP TEN WAYS TO LOSE THAT FESTIVE FLAB

It's been a great month of indulging in reckless festive feasting... and this morning I realize that my bermudas are a tad too snug for comfort. It was then that it struck me... that new brand of detergent is making my bloody clothes shrink!

Of course, my maid didn't buy that and offered another more plausible theory... that I have, "perhaps", gained a lil festive flab. Perhaps... she could be right. But I'm changing my detergent anyways. Just in case.

Now... if the sudden feeling of snugness really was due to me piling on a few pounds, then a guess a weight loss regime is in order. Of course, I could do the normal regiment as prescribed by fitness professionals, i.e. set a goal, eat less, burn more, exercise, start on the Atkin's diet... or watch one of Oprah's weight loss specials to motivate myself... but that wouldn't be all that fun, would it?

So here are my top ten ways to lose the festive flab (warning: these weight loss ideas have not been tested, let alone proven - since no one sane enough would be willing to try it - so make sure you consult your doctor before doing this, do it at your own risk and should you lose you liver or anything like that... don't sue me)



10. Offer yourself as a spokesperson to a slimming centre. Be mentally prepared to have unflattering pictures of yourself splashed all over the local media.

9. Take naked pictures of yourself and threaten to post it all over the net if you don't lose weight. If people are smart, they'd rather cough up money for your lipo than have to see you naked.

8. Hide the remote. Searching for it under the sofa burns a lot of calories. Going to the mall to buy a new one burns more.

7. Work with OTO or OSIM. Free rides on the Flab-e-loss and iGallop all day. Woohoo!

6. Fail your IPPT. The government will do the rest.

5. Appeal to the government to allow us to use our CPF for liposuction

4. Wear pants that's one size smaller when you go out. Eat too much and risk splitting your pants and exposing your ugly brown butt to the world.

3. Burn those fat. You will have to live with 3rd degree burn scars for the rest of your life though.

2. Go to the Middle East. Rub all the lamps available. Pray a genie comes out of it then ask for 3 wishes.

1. Spend all your money set aside for food... on better detergent.