CAREER CHANGE

There will come a time in your life when you need to go through a career change. It can be due to many reasons - Better job offer, desire to challenge yourself with something new, getting caught with your pants down after office hours indulging in an office nookie with the girl from Accounting right there on the conference room table...

For me... it's curiosity. Curiosity to find out how another job would feel like. Some of you may feel like that is a dumbass reason to go through a career change. But after being stuck behind a cubicle for so long, I can't help but wonder how it would be like to work in a totally new environment.

The one job I've always been curious of... is that of The Automated Voice. You know, the lady who gets employed to do the calm, soothing and emotionless electronic voice that is used for many purposes, some of them include:



- Announcing the approaching train stop (e.g. "Next stop... Orchard")

- Giving callers instructions (e.g. "For Billing, please press '1'...")

- Expressing gratitude (e.g. "Thank you for banking with DBS"). Or...

- Telling elevator commuters the obvious (e.g. "Going Up")

I just think that it's a cool way to make a living. The only qualification you need... is to have a good voice. Imagine the time I'd save writing that resume.

But I can't help but wonder how one would get such a job since I don't think they accept resumes that says, "Great voice, like a nightingle. It's true. My grandma says so. And she's only deaf in one ear."

So if there are no resumes, how to get such jobs then? Do they get talent spotted while they're waiting on you at the restaurant or do they have to go through auditions? Are the auditions competitive? Is there a "casting couch" for such jobs... where "oral tests" take a whole new meaning?

Or perhaps it could be from recommendations from people you know... "Hey, I have this cousin who has the sweetest voice and I think she'd be the perfect voice for your new In Flight Entertainment System". Or... "My aunt has a gentle motherly voice... perhaps you'd like to consider her for the new Easy Bake Oven". Or... "I know her voice sounds really bad now but she'll sound as good as new after drinking the honey and lemon drink I gave her. You have to understand, she normally doesn't sound that bad. She recently had to go through a lot of... oral tests, that why..."

That said, I still think it's a cool job to have. I mean... it's such a powerful position be in. It doesn't matter how annoying your automated voice is, people will listen to you. You instruct them... and they follow. You put them on hold... and they'll do it. Grudgingly, of course, but they'll do it. They can't slam the phone. If they do, they'll have to go through the whole annoying process again. And again. And again...

Unfortunately, a career as The Automated Voice is not in the cards for me. My voice is too harsh and no amount of oestrogen injections can help change that. Pity... because I feel that I am mentally ready for this new career path.

Except for the bloody oral tests...