MY BIRTHDAY CURSE

People don't believe me when I say it... but it's true. I'm cursed. It's a curse that has followed me for as long as I can remember... ever since I was a little boy. I try not to about think it but every year, on the 13th of Oct (i.e. my birthday), I am reminded of that curse...


The curse of the Bad Birthday Gift.

I get bad birthday gifts every year. EVERY YEAR. I don't know why or when this curse started but I've been getting bad birthday gifts for as long as I can remember. The only reason I could think of is that as a little kid, I once used the money my mom gave me for my friend's birthday gift to buy myself a nice gift instead (a cool green water pistol) and used the balance to buy him Panda brand crayons that just costs 60 cents since it was made in China (though I did splurge on a nice piece of wrapping paper... PLUS ribbon)

But I've been doing a lot of good now that I've grown up and I don't scrimp as much when I buy gifts for other people so as karma rules it, I should be getting better gifts. But unfortunately, karma works in mysterious ways and every year, without fail, I still do get the odd bad gift.

And when I say bad... I mean, bad....

Now... I'm sure you're thinking "It can't be that bad..." but I assure you, the gifts get so bad, I can't recycle the gift even if I wanted to. I mean how do you recycle the following gifts:

• A tin of MILO. Think that was for my 10th birthday.
• A bottle of rose syrup. Same birthday.
• A pair of Tat Sing slippers (i.e. made in China flips flops). Same birthday. (It was a particularly bad year, that one. Must be the same year when I peed into the neighbours pot of plants)
• A filofax with a leather jacket. And by leather jacket, I mean an actual leather jacket... like the one James Dean wears in Rebel Without A Cause except it's tiny and fits a filofax... complete with the white t-shirt beneath the jacket.
• An Abdominizer or Ab Flex or Ab something... and that damn thing doesn't work, by the way.
• Cellulite cream AND a hand-held plastic cellulite scrubber.
• A football fan - A tiny football with a battery operated fan attached.
• A plastic plaque with a picture of a cow and the words "He who procastinates gets nothing" (don't ask me why... I still can't figure that one out)
• A cheap plastic toothbrush
• A couple of bronze toothpicks with Merlion heads
• A pen with a big ball of fluffy pink flamingo feathers attached to the tip
• A pack of Swan brand cotton underwear... again, made in China.

And finally, a Hall Of Famer in my gallery of Bad Birthday Gifts...

• A bronze Merlion shaped lighter which... when flicked open, will play that tune from Lambada (it was the craze back in the 80s. Again... don't ask me why). And not only that, the eyes of the Merlion flickers red while the tune is playing. Woohoo......

And the thing is... I don't even smoke.

Seriously, I'm not making this up. It all happened... and what I've written up there... those were my actual birthday gifts. And this year, this is my bad birthday gift.

A Hello Kitty cake. I'm 32... and I got a freakin' Hello Kitty cake.

When will this madness end...