DRIVEN NUTS - DRIVING PET PEEVES

Everyone has pet peeves when it comes to driving. Tailgaters, road-hoggers, people who honk incessantly and drivers who do not give way to you when even though you've been desperately signaling for a lane change in the last minute... you know, those people who like to tease you by giving you the impression that you can go ahead and just when you make your move, they speed up and shut you down... just like the many of the women I've met back in the day.

Sure... those kind of things would piss anyone. But below are some of my personal pet peeves.

Serangoon... Land Where The Jaywalkers Roam Free!

For those of you unfamiliar with Singapore, Serangoon, also known as Little India, is located in the central part of Singapore and it is really just a main road connected to a network of single lane 5 foot driveways and lots of traffic lights... and it is jam-packed with jaywalkers.

And this isn't your run-of-the-mill, amateur jaywalkers. No... these guys are pros. Normal jaywalkers would look left and right and left again before cross a junction quickly. These pro jaywalkers... they don’t care about cars. They believe they have the right of way on the roads.

These brazen individuals adopt a "dei-i-don't-give-shit-if-a-truck-is-bloody-approaching-i'm-still-gonna-cross-this-bloody-road-because-the-flower-shop-I-want-to-go-to-is-just-bloody-opposite-and-I-don't-want-to-walk-10-more-bloody-metres-to-go-to-the-bloody-pedestrain-crossing".

And you can't scare these jaywalkers either. They see you speeding up and they'll slow down. They know you won't hit them. They know you will slow down, even stop your cars to let them cross at their own leisurely pace. And they're right. How do they know?

For one thing... they know it's going to be a bitch having to clean the bloodstains from the windscreen should you end up knocking them down. For another... if you do end up killing someone on the road, forget the legal implications... and imagine the kind of lousy karma you'll have to live with for the rest of your next life.

I mean, having your driving licence suspended or revoked for reckless driving is nothing compared to having to live your next life as a dung beetle...

The jaywalkers know this, thus why they are kings in Serangoon. And this is why driving around Serangoon is a pet peeve...

Beemers... Divas Of The Road

I drive a Hyundai. It's not flashy, it's not particularly fast or responsive and the gas mileage isn't something I'd shout about. But it has served me well, considering the price I paid for it. And even without the frills, it is still gives me a pretty nice ride.

But not when I’m on a highway driving beside, or worse, in front of a BMW. It's because BMWs tend to be faster and more responsive, their drivers have this impatient, diva-ish attitudes on the roads. You know... the "move-away-biatch-you're-breathing-my-air" kind of attitude.

It's not that I have beemer-envy but just because they have Active Steering and xDrive for that "sheer driving pleasure" doesn't mean they can act like a diva on the red carpet and expect the traffic to part and expect us to clear the road for them when we see them coming. And just because my car may take slightly longer to accelerate from 0 to 60km/h doesn't give them the right to tailgate and coerce us "lesser" cars off the lane.

This "get-off-my-lane-you-slow-biatch-or-I'll-cut-you-in-half-you-dig?" attitude on the road really isn't necessary. The black girl diva attitude really won't help you get anywhere faster, xDrive or no xDrive. Just look at Whitney Houston.

Anyway, why can't we all get along? Regardless of whether we're German, Swede, French, Japanese, Korean or even Malaysian... can't we all just cut everyone a little slack on the roads and get along?

But the fact is, we can't. Some cars bully you because they're blessed with superior technological ingenuity or some cars drive real slow on purpose to piss the hell out of those cars blessed with superior technological ingenuity, perhaps due to beemer-envy (not me though...).

And this is why driving around, or god forbid, in front of, a BMV is a pet peeve...

My father

What has my father got to do with my driving pet peeves? Well, a lot... especially when you let him drive.

My father can drive. In fact, he's a great driver. How could he not when he spent a good part of his youth working as a driving instructor? But of late, he's developed a condition, which makes it a torture whenever I let him drive - it's called Antitrafficlightitis. It's a rare condition where my dad would be averse to... traffic lights.

Yes, averse to traffic lights. These lights would drive him nuts. My father treats lights like his late in-laws - the lesser he sees of them, the better. Even if he's just driving to the next neighbourhood, he'll take the highway there. Seriously. You can argue till the cows come home with this man... telling him that it'll take him 10 mins if we use the normal roads and 30 mins if he took the highway because of the long, unnecessary detour... it still wouldn't matter. He would still take the highway.

I don't know what brought about this condition. Maybe it is the fact that he's getting older and knowing full well that the sand on his hourglass of life is slowly trickling down makes him feel like he shouldn't be wasting on anymore time waiting at the traffic lights. Maybe he just loves the feel of the free open road and not having to stop for anyone. Maybe he's driven in Serangoon...? I don't know...

But I do know that when he drives, he tends to take the longest route possible just to escape the traffic lights. And whenever he chooses the longest route possible, it inevitably makes my Hyundai guzzle up petrol like a Hummer. But this is really of no concern of his.

In fact, the way he uses petrol, it is like as if he is some long lost relative to the Saudi royalty. "What... you angry because I used up half a tank of gas to get to the next neighbourhood? What is a half tank of gas? A drop in the well, you fool!". If he was wearing white gloves I'm pretty sure he's going to take them off and smack me in the face with them.

I can't imagine him driving a cab... his clients driven to a frenzy, pointing frantically at where they wanted to go and my dad just shaking his head, saying, "Yes ma'am, I know you just live right there but I can't take that road. There are lights there. What I will do is take the highway and take the next exit and you'll be home in another... erm... 30 mins. In the meantime, get yourself comfortable. And stop tapping your finger on my shoulder..."

But I can't say anything. He's my father. And it IS a condition... so I can't discriminate against that. Thus I just grin and bear it. And that is why my father is one of my driving pet peeves too (well, technically it's a non-driving pet peeve, but a pet peeve nonetheless).

Anyone else got a unique driving pet peeve to share? Write to me at bigfooz@gmail.com and see it posted here.